I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
