I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
