your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
