i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
