Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
