So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
