He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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