my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My pussy is not your playground.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
