Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
