i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
