I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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