I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My cat gives me a boner
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
