so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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