do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
