wat bout pragnant strippers??
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
