i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
