I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
