You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
