That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
