I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
