"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
