i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
