He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need a beard to bite.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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