so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wish there were birth control emojis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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