Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
