Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize