But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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