Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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