I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize