I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
