i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
