....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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