And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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