I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
