dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
