You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
