Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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