At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
