Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i now understand why vodka
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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