Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
