oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
