Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
