I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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