Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
