take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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