I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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