Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
