Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
