You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
