I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
