You work out of a Hotel?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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