Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
