I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I only lived at night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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