So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
