I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
