Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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