my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize