I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize