Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
