I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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