i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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