So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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