the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize