after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize