You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
