bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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