it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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