Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize