shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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