You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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