Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All the doctor said was why
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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