drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
as a side note pls kill me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
