About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
