I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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