I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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