none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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