before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's blow job season.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
