I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
