i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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