She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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