i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
