I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
