btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
