i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
