connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
