i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize