Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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