Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
