Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
